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15 Sep 10 It’s a Hard Knock Life. So Get Over It.
I’ve had a lengthy discussion over the last few days in various threads with Carlos Miceli of OwlSparks, my sister and various other people about feminism, inequalities, privilege and the difference in opportunities different people have given different circumstances.
You Don’t Want What I Want & That’s OK
I wrote about this some months ago at some length. But the gist of it is that different people want different things. All too often people frown upon or judge others if their values and goals in life differ from their own, even though there are infinite possibilities and infinite choices to make in life.
Some might find comfort in the town they grew up, others want to see the world. Some might strive for wealth, others for spending more time cultivating their hobbies. Some might want a big family, others may find peace in solitude. There is no “right” or “wrong”, just your choices, wants and goals. Hopefully you’ll find a balance that aligns them as closely as possible to make you happy.
Privilege, Disadvantage, Excuses & Redefining Your Reality
There is absolutely no doubt that poverty and racism exists, and there is very little doubt that women are severely held back in some backwards cultures. People are born with diseases, disabilities and different educational opportunities, depending on the genetic and geographic lottery of birth.
But I am an optimist. I refuse to believe that anyone who grows up to an adult age is condemned to a bad life because of their circumstances - people can still make the most of whatever they have, and quite often you need little more than your wits and willpower to perform what to some would seem like miracles.
Are you a woman being held back in your career because of the “old boys club” running the place? Why the hell would you want to work for them anyway? Why not go somewhere where you are more appreciated (or better yet: start your own business). If you’re any good, it will only ever be their loss.
Are you an ethnic or religious minority subjected to prejudice or held back because of the colour of your skin or religious beliefs? Why stay where you are being abused or disadvantaged? Go somewhere else where circumstances are better. If immigrants in the 19th century braved the unforgiving American wilderness with little else than the clothes on their backs to escape religious persecution in Europe, I’m sure you can move your ass too.
The point is that you can chose either to use your disadvantages as an excuse for continued unhappiness, or you can redefine your frame of mind and do the most with whatever you have. I would even argue that early disadvantage can act as fuel for the fire driving you on, because you have a point to prove and a very clear obstacle to overcome.
It’s Not About How Hard You Hit, It’s About How Hard You Can Get Hit And Keep Moving Forward
I am an avid reader of Sovereign Man, one of my absolute favourite blogs around. In the last week or so, the comments have exploded with peoples stories on how they are acting to increase their self reliance and prepare for future economic turbulence.
Some of the most heartening comments have been from people you would not expect to be there: in-debted widows, pensioners and many others who have been knocked around in life and not given a lot of breaks.
One of my favourite comments was by an elderly disabled man living on meagre disability income, yet he was still determined to take steps to increase his own self-reliance and quality of life. His comments where not words of self-pity or excuses, they where words of determination to improve his lot for whatever time he has left. If someone like him can take steps to transcend unfortunate circumstances and make a better life, I don’t think anyone else has a lot of valid excuses.
Not all of us can be billionaires (or even want to), football/soccer pros (too late for me now), famous actors, business moguls or whatever other high-flying dreams you may have harboured. But that doesn’t mean you should settle into the grey mediocrity of a life you never wanted, or self-pitying unhappiness. Do the best you can with what you’ve got to make your life the way you want it to be or at least as close as possible.
In the words of the famous Rocky Balboa: “Life ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.”
Refuse to just be just a gender, race, religion or number. Each and everyone has the innate ability to be so much more.
